Magical Logic
by elquendi
Summary: Logic? What's 'logic?... We all know Hermione Granger loves logic, but the rest of the wizarding world sees things differently. Based on the thought that "Many of the greatest wizards haven't got an ounce of logic"


Logic? What's 'logic'?... "Many of the greatest wizards haven't got an ounce of logic" We all know Hermione Granger loves logic, but the rest of the wizarding world sees things differently.

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><p>"I present- The <em>Oogly-Boogly Shield Charm!<em>"

Hermione gazed, open mouthed, at the purple, sparkly wall of _slime_ that had sprung up at the Defense Professor's summons. For a minute, she was motionless, and then her head fell into her upturned palms even as her fellow students cheered.

_Why am I even surprised any more?_

~oOo~

"Err… Hermione? You alright…?" The voice was soft, hesitant.

"Ron, does it _look_ like I'm alright?" the girl in question asked, throwing him a dirty look. Then she sighed in exasperation as Ron looked uncertainly at Harry for guidance. Throwing her hands up in the air, she continued, bristling like an angry cat as she strode down the hall.

"I don't understand why everyone was so impressed! I mean, that spell, it was complete _gibberish_! It wasn't even a language; it shouldn't have worked at all! And what kind of defensive wall has _sparkles_?" She descended into an angry murmur as she continued her rant, eyes still flashing with suppressed indignation.

"Well why not? It's all just sound, anyway." Hermione gave the speaker a look of outright disgust that showed just what she though about _that_ comment.

"Don't be silly Ronald. All the other spells we've learnt use Latin; they correspond to verbs and phrases that describe the effect we want. Why else would pronunciation be so important? Remember _Wingardium Leviosa?_ The professor's shield charm was just baby talk!"

"Well, sure, we use Latin _now, _but anything can work. You don't think that wizards have _always_ spoken Latin, do you? And it's not as though we're using _proper _Latin. I mean, otherwise we might as well just _speak_ Latin and then we could go round telling things what to do all the time."

There was another short silence at this.

"Ron, I'm not sure whether to be impressed that you actually said something mildly intelligent, or shocked that _you're_ correcting _Hermione_." Harry interjected. He couldn't help but think that Ron acting intelligent was rather... awkward. It felt like the universe was out of whack, the cosmos somehow misaligned...

Throwing off his misapprehension he continued- he felt he should make _some_ kind of contribution to the discussion. "How do you know this anyway?" he queried.

But before Ron could answer, Hermione broke in once more.

"Alright then, but they still used language- unless they used something else before Latin?" she broke off suspiciously, eyes narrowing. "More gibberish? Just random patterns of sound they happened to think sounded nice together?" Hermione was getting rather agitated again, her voice shrill and eyes wide as her hands gesticulated wildly. Ron, however, was unfazed.

"Oh no," he said, "there used to be a whole lot of different languages, anything that sounded nice really, mostly Celtic languages- Brythonic, Pictish, Gaelic, Manx, Goidelic; there was even some Cimmerian in there for a while there- a revivalist movement, you know the sort- and then there was Sphinx, of course."

"Of course…" Hermione's voice had become slightly faint by this point, and Ron stopped, peering at her concernedly.

"Wait- _Sphinx?_"

~oOo~

The shouts and cheers of a spell battle echoed up the corridor as they hurried to Potions. Hermione, ever the responsible one, rolled her eyes and put on what her two best friends called her I'm-a-prefect-and-if-you-don't-stop-this-_right-_now-then-you'll-be-sorry face. It really was quite impressive. Terrifying, even, as they assured her on a semi-regular basis.

Then, right as they were about to intrude on the competition, a suspiciously familiar pink and purple, _sparkly_ wall burst into existence in front of them. For a second there was silence. Then, as students cheered, Hermione began to turn an impressive shade of puce.

Harry just stared for a moment, then turned slowly and began to trudge back up the hall as his friend's shrill voice rose above the chaos. _Late. Again. I swear, the world must hate me._

~oOo~

"But it's only _logical_, Ron! That shouldn't work- it just _shouldn't!_"

"Hermione, I thought we got over this in _first year!_ It's _magic!_ It works the way it damn well wants to!"

"Oh, _Honestly, _Ron! Magic might work by a different set of rules, but he-"

"Yes, I _know_ what he said! Just because _you_ don't understand-"

"_I _don't understand! You listen here Ronald Weasley-…!"

Harry sighed, eyeing the door, seriously considering skipping class for the first time ever simply to escape the shrill voices and endless arguments. They hadn't stopped once since that fateful lesson where Hermione had been confronted with the latest DADA professor's 'oogly booley' charm.

Yeah. He could kind of see why Hermione had cracked- it sounded like something off a third-rate preschooler TV show. Not that he'd ever watched even a _third_-rate preschooler TV show. Stupid Dursleys. He sighed again.

Turning back to the argument, he wondered for the thousandth time just _why_ he had asked to be put in Gryffindor.

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><p>I've always thought it amazing that three children raised in such different ways and cultures managed to fit together so well. So, I thought it would be fun to show them having one of those meaningless arguments you would never find in the book, but that showcase the differences in their heritage. I also find it rather annoying that people dismiss the Wizarding world as illogical and impractical without considering why- after all, if you can do pretty much anything with the flick of a wand, certain 'muggle' knowledge no longer applies. I hope that at least <em>some<em> people will find this _mildly_ amusing, if nothing else.

And yes, that in the middle there, that was a gibe at fan tropes of Thickheaded!Ron and Apathetic-yet-somehow-superior!Harry. :P

Please Read and Review!


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